Thank god, not many clubs I go to on a regular basis have installed retina scans or finger-print technology yet, but having been to all sorts of weird and wonderful nights around the country in a professional capacity, I can tell you – They Are Coming. Yes, soon, getting into anywhere bigger than a Yates’s Wine Bar is basically going to be like boarding Air Force One. This is problematic for a number of reasons. Firstly because it’s something that should be in an episode of Farscape and not a British nightclub. Secondly, because it creates massive queues. And thirdly, because it’s fucking disgusting. Just imagine getting refused entrance to a club because you just got caught screwing in a toilet at another place down the road. What about when police start telling clubs that they can’t let in anyone who’s got a previous drugs rap? It’ll be a right laugh.